I’ve already reached the point where, on a Saturday, when I remember Strictly is on, I get a bit overexcited. I just love it. And, like every single person to appear on It Takes Two in the past week, I was extremely excited to see the women competing against the men.
This week’s dances were either the samba or the american smooth. Dancing With the Stars also had the samba this week and they were wearing far fewer clothes. In fact the most boobage on show in the UK version was from Mark Foster.
Rachel Stevens was our first and, while I did enjoy her samba, it did’t excite me. Craig Revel Horwood said he was underwhelmed and he and Bruno Tonioli both said she needs to let herself go more. She certainly hasn’t shown much personality so far, but I do remember reading a while ago that she hasn’t actually got one, so that might be why.
Poor Lisa Snowdon had been in tears again during the week. I don’t usually buy it when the slebs cry all the time, but it makes me like her more. I don’t know what it is about her, I just find her incredibly likeable. She looked amazing for her american smooth, but I thought the routine was a little bit dull and sometimes she’s juddery on the turns. Craig pointed out the stumbles too, while the other judges raved.
Like Maurice Greene in DWTS, Heather Small was wearing an afro wig for her samba. I wonder what they thought of that. It just seems a bit … patronising to me. Heather seems to be getting worse each week and she looked under-rehearsed and unconfident. The beginning and the end were good, but the middle? Not so much. “Lifeless, lacklustre and laboured,” Craig said and you should have seen the bitchface on her partner, Brian.
There were high hopes for Cherie Lunghi’s american smooth because, you know, she’s classy, elegant, attractive (you know, for an old bird) and it started well. But I was just thinking how effortless she makes it look when I think she made a mistake… or if it wasn’t a mistake it looked like one, which isn’t good either. I also found the routine a teensy bit dull, but she’s still beautiful to watch. Craig, like me, said the routine wasn’t “dynamic” enough. James said they missed something and I bet that was the turn that I spotted. Or rather didn’t spot because they didn’t do it. And that was right in front of the judges’ desk, so there was no reason for them not to see it. The lifts were lovely though.
To try and bring him out of his shell, Mark Foster had an acting lesson with John Barrowman. Afterwards, he was like a new man and I laughed all the way through his samba. I mean, it was hopeless – he can’t dance at all – but he was wearing a fishnet shirt and dancing to Spice up Your Life – how is he ever going to live it down? Craig said he’d never seen “such a magnificent body move in such a bizarre and awkward way”, but it was enormously entertaining. He only got 17, which I thought at first was exceedingly low, but his actual dancing was the worst so far, so I guess it was fair. They could have bumped him up a point for entertainment value, though.
Don Warrington needs to stand up straight and take the pained expression of his face. Nice choreography, though. He was singing, but, as Bruno said, he looked like he was singing to himself, not Lilia. (And I didn’t know it was possible to sing Can’t Smile Without You without actually smiling!) When Don got his score (of 23) Brian, in the background, looked pissed off, presumably that Don had got a better score than Heather (21).
One of Austin Healey’s (extremely cute) daughters is called Ellie Mae. You can take the boy out of Liverpool… Anyway, his samba was good, but not as good as I was expecting. In training, Austin said the samba was hard for him because he has no ligaments in one of his knees. Is that even possible? Wouldn’t that mean the bottom half of his leg would just dangle? He seemed to be concentrating hard and, as Arlene Phillips said, he wasn’t loose enough in his top half. He also made a couple of mistakes and it bugged me that he was singing along – it seemed a bit cocky. It made me wriggle in my seat a bit though. No, not like that. In a dancing way. After Craig said that he thought the tightness of Austin’s top half helped the dance, Bruno made yet another off-colour remark: “He [Craig] likes it tight”. Does he know he’s on TV?
Andrew Castle needs to stand up straight, he nearly dropped Ola at the end (they had the american smooth), and he’s also incredibly boring to watch. “The most exciting thing was when the lift failed,” Arlene said and she also told him to stand up straight. Ola should get him to practice with a broomstick down his back.
I enjoyed Christine Bleakley’s samba, probably because I really like her (I loved that she said “thank you” to the camera after staying in last week) and she’s lovely to watch, but a few times she looked really gangly and gormless. The judges loved it though.
I liked Jodie Kidd’s american smooth too, but, unlike Christine, I think I’m going off her as the show progresses. I think maybe she needs to let herself go a bit more. And her dress was dreadful (and, by the end of the routine, falling apart.)
I’d been looking forward to John Sergeant’s samba because, you know, it was John Sergeant doing the samba! And I really enjoyed it. I can’t not smile when I’m watching him and all credit to Christina too because she choreographs routines that really highlight his personality and charm. But, granted, he can’t dance and the judges didn’t have a good word to say about it.
I actually started to quite like Tom Chambers after hearing the incredibly romantic story of his relationship with his fiancee on It Takes Two. He’s still full of himself though. His dance, however, was glorious. My favourite american smooth of the night. Loved it.
At the end, Lisa and Tom were joint to of the leader board and John was bottom.
Should I make another prediction? Even though I haven’t been right yet? Okay then. I agree with John that the public will keep him in. I think they might keep Andrew in too because he was so upset to have made such a balls of the routine, and they’ll vote for Mark because it was hilarious. So I’m thinking Heather and Don in the bottom two… but then I’m not sure who the judges will save. I think it might be a split decision and Len, with the casting vote, will save … Don.
Before I go, I just need to take a moment to talk about Bruce Forsyth. “They’re the worst audience we’ve had,” Bruce said, after a lacklustre response to one of his godawful jokes. He did a “points make prizes” gag. What next? Introducing the contestants by turning over playing cards with their faces on? Instead of coming down the stairs, the trundle across the studio on a conveyor belt? “Applause, after a joke, I don’t believe it!” he said later. No, me neither. (Although I did laugh at his tennis joke in the introduction to Andrew Castle.) He did “You’re my favourites” (three times, I believe). He did “I am not doddery…” after flubbing the punchline to a joke. He made me scratch myself in embarrassment. Towards the end of the show, I received a text message from a friend threatening to have him killed. Surely – surely! – this must be his last season. But who could replace him? I’ll tell you who. Anton du Beke. Just think about it. Perfect. Start campaigning now, Strictly fans.
BREAKING NEWS! My husband’s just come home from the paper shop to tell me that the front of the People has the headline Brucie: I’m Quitting Strictly. “I want to leave with dignity,” he apparently said. Way, way too late for that, my love. Read the full story here.
Strictly Come Dancing, BBC One, Sunday 19 October, 8.10pm
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